It ain't easy

It's the Week 2 Review and It's Coming Right At You

Damn Elias Sports Bureau, nothing but a dicktease if you ask me.  First you taunt us last week, talk to us at the bar all night, laugh at our jokes, lots of eye contact and then give us your phone number at the end of the night, only for us to find out the number was bogus and you ended up sleeping with Meat.  Now you go full dirty whore on us and credit Aldon Smith with a sack, knocking poor Von Swanson from the ranks of the unbeaten by .2 of a god damn point.  The only thing that drunk should have been credited with hitting this past week was a tree.  Fuck you Jed York, fuck you Jim Harbaugh, you quasi-altruistic pieces of shit, let's send him to rehab to get the help he needs, but let's wait until right after he he's done harrasing Andrew Luck for 60 minutes, that will be good for his recovery.

Onto this Week's results:

The Up is Down, Down is Up Game of the Week:  The Jonah Brothers vs. Crum
Crum is involved in a 180 point, 50 point margin of victory game and he's the 130?  Everything is coming up Oyler this year, Mike Vick throws a pick-6 to Eric Berry, basically resulting in a positive swing of  6 pts, Antonio Brown confronts Todd Hately and all of the sudden he's the second coming of Chris Carter,  Joique Bell scores almost 20? Wait, there is someone with the first name of Joique? Can anyone stop the juggernaut that is Team Jonah.  Meanwhile Crum is relegated to starting Willis McGahee, who will make Browns fan (not plural on purpose) forget about Trent Richardson and pine for them to resign Peyton Hillis.

The White is Right Game of the Week:  The Ghost of James Harrison vs. Ken & Teller
Just a quick piece of advice, if you made a colossal mistake the previous on your roster management, change said mistake as soon as humanly possible Tuesday morning (see Harrison, James) No matter though, Joe's unhealthy fascination with old Silverback aside, he more than survived a subpar outing by Discount Double Check and sends Ken to England with only the positive thoughts that most of the men there are skinnier and paler than him.

The Mr. Burns is So Incontinent Game of the Week:  Nick vs. the Steaming Teacups
 Just say No to Knowshown or any other Broncos RB for that matter, that whole situation is messier, but likely to be cleaned up much sooner than, Farley's kitchen.  Many of us, including Nick, laughed at Nick for tying up all that cash on Megatron, but here he sits 2-1 with a stable of RBs we will all glad clean Farley's toilet for.  Poor Kitchen, all kidding aside, this may be one of the most terrible assemblages of players this league has seen since Derek and Bubby traded Herschel Walker for an eighth.

The Evil Empire Game of the Week: Von Swanson vs. Butt Panthers
Alright, only scoring a a buck-29 shouldn't entitle you to a victory, but when the other team beats you by .2 after some Elias Sports-fuckery all bets are off.  While winning the Waiver Wire RB Derby by picking up Bilal Powell had me feeling pretty good, not even the aftertaste of my Rey Azteca lunch could brighten my spirits when I returned to my office to see that my record had changed from 3-0 to 2-1.  I guess I should have started Santowelio and none of this would be happening.

The My Team's QBs Combined for 9 pts. Game of the Week: The Team Formerly Known as Hab & Chip vs. Djwargo Unchained

Is it me or does Bacari Rambo sounds like a great name for a rum based drink, "A round of Bacari Rambos for me and my friends barkeep!" Well even Colonel Trautman couldn't save Hab & Chip this week, Mr. Rambo's goose egg aside.   Was it too much to expect Peyton Manning to throw for negative yardage Monday night? Probably, but is it also not stupid to start a LB, James Harrison aside, when playing the Steelers and their offensive turnstiles?  It is probably also time for a Wake for Cameron, because he is dead to Djwargo.  Are we not now convinced some devil dealing was done by the Green Helmet and his faithful sidekick (who I have yet  to come up with a creative moniker for) when they post a 0.0, 0.0, 2.5 and 3.5 and still manage to win by almost 30?

The Night at the Roxbys Game of the  Week : Meat Cab for Shmoogie vs. The Blind Squirrel

Farley's luck will run out sooner or later, a quick examination of his stats shows that 4 players accounted for 65% of his points this week, a trend that can't continue on a weekly basis. Also, Run Dmc has remained healthy a full three games so there's another anomaly. We'll see what happens when a battle of the undefeateds  3-0 vs 2-1 takes place this coming week.  Meanwhile, Mike and Barry have spent more time on the wire this year than a lazy pigeon but it doesn't seem to matter to the Spiller-Jackson Conundrum, which has long baffled scientists and which appears to have no clear resolution in sight.

That's all for this week, until next week when the Ramblog goes Dear Abby and imparts some tips for getting by on this crazy blue marble.

Guess Who's Back?

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